5/3 wed. // journal entry

i saw you today. unexpectedly. again. i wonder why you pop up and make me think about all the what ifs? im not supposed to think about you. im supposed to have resentment towards you. do you even think of me? why do i want you to think of me? this doesnt make sense. you caused me so much pain. so many nights my eyes flooded like broken dams. after all of that, i can only think about how good we felt. how free you made me feel. maybe im a bit too nostalgic because i keep rewriting our script in my head. taking away the hurt and highlighting the bliss. we were so perfect in my head. why am i like this with you? a fool times two, no, times three…you’ve made a fool out of me more times than you’ve made a lover and i let you. i always let you. i buried my pride for you. watered it with love. for you.

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